Monday, March 30, 2009

Exactly How Does The Church Test For Gay Priests?

Apparently the Vatican has been quite busy. What with the Pope's revelation that condoms don't stop the spread of the AIDS virus. (Pope Rejects Condoms As A Counter To Aids, from The Washington Post.) Now apparently there is a test for Priests and the Melbourne Catholic Church is using a test on potential Priests who "appear" to be gay. Catholic Church "Tests" For Gay Priests in Australia, from The Advocate.

Oh the questions that come to mind. Just how does a potential Priest "appear" to be gay? Is the church referring to those old tired stereotypes? You know:
impeccable dresser
enjoys Broadway musicals
hearts Judy Garland

What are the questions on this test? Dare I say it? Is it written or...oral? Let me see if I can think up a few questions...
Who are Dolce & Gabbana?
What holiday is it not ok to wear white after?
What was Gore Vidal's alleged influence on Ben Hur?
Heath Ledger or Jake Jake Gyllenhaal?
Do you know the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka?
Do you know how to "air kiss"?
What is your favorite Judy Garland movie, and why?
Do you call everyone "girlfriend"?
If you are a gay man, please don't be offended. This post was written tongue firmly implanted in cheek. I have the utmost respect for gay men and I want you all to know that I used those stereotypes to point out just how ridiculous an idea it is that the Vatican wants to test potential Priests who "appear" gay. And why are they only testing Priests? How about testing Nuns to weed out the lesbians? Being a lesbian myself, I am familiar with the stereotypes, so why aren't they testing the potential Nuns who appear to be lesbians? You know, women who know their way around Home Depot; wear mens clothing, Doc Martins and are a member of a softball team.

Since there is not yet any scientifically valid way to test for the gay gene, exactly what criteria are they going to use? And while I'm posing questions to the Vatican, why not test all priests? Let's not forget that not everyone who appears gay is, and not everyone who appears straight, is. Why is it necessary to single out only those that "appear" to be gay? And while we're creating these tests on who knows what criteria, why don't we test all priests to see if they are pedophiles?

It seems to me there is much greater harm to be done by pedophile Priests than gay Priests.

©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket

Thursday, March 26, 2009

The New Game Of Life Online - Gay Friendly

The Game Of Life - Gay Or Straight? There is a new version of The Game Of Life Online Game that allows players to pick same sex persons as their spouse. Christian groups are upset. Parents are upset because the game is obviously causing children to ask questions. Some people have gone so far as to say The Game Of Life Online Game is promoting the 'homosexual agenda'. Others have said it is meant to teach tolerance. I for one believe it is important to answer those questions in an age appropriate and loving way. You never know if your child will grow up to be gay, lesbian and transgendered.

I haven't personally played the game, but I tend to doubt that the game includes the realities of our times. For starters, it allows any same sex couples to marry. In real life we can do that in very few places. I'm sure it doesn't address discrimination, gay bashing and homophobia.

I do however applaud any effort to incorporate tolerance and inclusiveness in activities for children.

©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Personal Hedge Trimmer?

©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Monty Python - Silly Job Interview

Is this far off from what interviews are like now? Lol!

©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket

Sunday, March 22, 2009

A Little Water Sports

Many of my blogger friends from my blog Lola's Diner know I am a major insomniac. I love late night commercials and I just saw the Bathroom Flooding commercial for QCI Restoration.

Oh my word! My kids did this one hot summer day when we lived in Chicago. Well not quite...Minus the scuba gear and the duck. Lol!

We had a 2 story house. The kids were supposed to be in their room playing or napping. My daughter was about 5 at the time, my son 3. I was in the basement doing laundry when I heard water dripping above the boiler, just across the way from the washer. WTF? I ran upstairs, and still at a run I had to suddenly stop myself because I saw water on the kitchen floor across from the bathroom. Had I continued to run, I would have slipped and broken my neck for sure. I opened the bathroom door to find water raining down into the first floor bathroom.

I left the bathroom, went into the living room and broke into a full out run to the stairs and ran upstairs. When I got upstairs, the carpet at the top of the stairs was drenched.

I opened the bathroom door to find my daughter in her undies (nothing else), standing on a kiddy chair, the sink full of water. Water cascading over the sides of the sink. She was dipping her hands in the water and splashing it on her face and chest. My son was standing in only his diaper, splashing his hands in the water. The look on my daughter's face was priceless. The shock, the horror. I wish I could have grabbed my camera! She was caught red handed. (wet handed? Lol!) Before I could even say 'what are you doing?', both of them burst into tears and ran out to their rooms, my daughter slipping and falling on her behind, then scrambling to get to her room. I turned off the water and took the mounds of toilet paper they had shoved in the drain to stop it up. I then had a nice chat with them about how we don't stuff toilet paper in the drain and leave the water running.

This whole incident wasn't without cost. I ended up having to replace all the ceiling tiles in the first floor bathroom and strip the tile and replace the sub floor in both bathrooms. I also had to replace a joist. Yup, it's good to be a handy dyke.

A guest post by Lola @ Lola's Diner ©2008-2009
©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket

Tuesday, March 17, 2009

Not Your Grandmother's Coin Purse

"The Coinilingus tm - Vagina coinpurse"
Available at - Seller - Freckleface. From the website:
"Each vagina coinpurse is handcrafted out of rose pink vinyl, with fake fur pubes, and a soft fuzzy pink lining.

Each one is a little bit different, just like yours!
The size is generally around 3.5" x 4.5". However, if you'd like it bigger, smaller, or if you'd like to make any special requests (yeah, I'm talking labia here!), just convo me.

Be sure to specify your color choice in your notes to seller. The default color is black, if you do not specify another color." Available in black, blond, red, auburn, and brunette!

A guest post by Lola @ Lola's Diner ©2008-2009
©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket

Saturday, March 14, 2009

Commuting Part 2

I commuted almost 60 miles a day. Each way! Monday - Friday before I started having health issues. I did that for 2 years. Most of the time I commuted by Metra train, walked 8 blocks to catch the bus, then crossed the street to my office in the Bloomingdales building in Chicago. It was a 2 hour commute. Each way! And that was in good weather with no train or bus delays!

Frankly I don't know how I did it before Anastasia got me my Ipod. Well, I do know how, I'm a people watcher. Yup, I dare say I could be a professional one. (I wonder if there is much call for that in the job market?) Everyday I stood at the same spot on the platform, near the same people. I heard all their stories. I walked onto the train car, always went left, not right. Always sat 4 seats from the front of the car, always on the right, unless I needed to move back further. On the way home, always got on the same car, 2nd to the last car, 2nd seat on the right. I think I always sat on the right because that way, no matter the direction I didn't have to deal with the car on the other track racing past. (I realize now, rereading that how psycho that sounds, but you know what? Everyone else had their seat patterns too because it was mostly the same people who sat around me in the same seats every day.)

The ride to work was relatively quiet, although there was a major talker that got on at Tinley Park. She would talk nonstop to her seatmate every day. She always seemed to know them, even though they got on before her. The way home was always loud. A lot of drunk iron workers who byob'd it. They were stumbling drunk before they even got on the train. A group of 6 or more of the same women gathered in the front seats of my car talking about all sorts of things. I just sat there, looking distant, bored even, but I heard every word. Sometimes it was hard not to laugh, but somehow I managed.

When I started having health problems I began driving in to work. It saved me at least an hour each way in my commute, but it did nothing for my sanity, or my checkbook for that matter. ($12 a day to park, before 9am. If I missed 9am, it was double.) I love, love, love to drive, but there is nothing worse than Chicago rush hours. I knew it was really bad when I switched over to the cd that I burned for my son. It starts out with Queen's "Bohemian Rhapsody", then David Bowie's "Under Pressure" and I open the windows and the sun roof (if it's not raining/snowing) and blast it. When I used to drive the kids for visitation if they heard me switch to that cd they knew that Mom's nerves were frazzled and they better behave.

So, what's your commute? I'd love to hear about it in the comment section.

A guest post by Lola @ Lola's Diner ©2008-2009
©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket


If you decide to implement any of his ideas, let me know how that works out for you.

©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket

Monday, March 9, 2009

Pay Toilets at 30,000 Feet?

Cross Your Legs! 'Pay To Pee' On Airlines Is Definitely Coming.

What is this world coming to that you have to pay to use the "facilities" on an airplane? You're up what? 30,000 feet. What alternative do you have?

When I was a kid I recall pay toilets in public places. I didn't see many, but there were some and when we came upon them, we went in search of another place to find a no charge toilet.

Who is behind (snicker) this goofy idea? Does this person have a lot of stock in Depends Undergarments?

A guest post by Lola @ Lola's Diner ©2008-2009
©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket

Thursday, March 5, 2009

God's Answering Machine

Have you seen this? Leave God A Message At This Dutch Answering Service A Dutch artist has set up an answering machine to take messages for God. I bet his phone is ringing off the hook. Makes me think, if I set up a blog for people to comment to God, bet I'd get a ton of hits. Best stats ever, I'm betting.

If you want to leave a comment here for God, I'll be sure he gets the message.

Loving the song in the background, although my choice would have been "If God Was One Of Us" by Joan Osbourne. Enjoy!

A guest post by Lola @ Lola's Diner ©2008-2009
©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket

Wednesday, March 4, 2009


©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket


©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket

Sunday, March 1, 2009

February Top Droppers

Special thank you to all of my February Top Droppers. My apologies for being a bit absent. I've had a schedule change and am trying to deal with that right now. Thank you to everyone who has stopped by.

©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket