FIRE CROTCH ROCKET

Monday, March 30, 2009

Exactly How Does The Church Test For Gay Priests?

Apparently the Vatican has been quite busy. What with the Pope's revelation that condoms don't stop the spread of the AIDS virus. (Pope Rejects Condoms As A Counter To Aids, from The Washington Post.) Now apparently there is a test for Priests and the Melbourne Catholic Church is using a test on potential Priests who "appear" to be gay. Catholic Church "Tests" For Gay Priests in Australia, from The Advocate.

Oh the questions that come to mind. Just how does a potential Priest "appear" to be gay? Is the church referring to those old tired stereotypes? You know:
effeminate
impeccable dresser
enjoys Broadway musicals
hearts Judy Garland

What are the questions on this test? Dare I say it? Is it written or...oral? Let me see if I can think up a few questions...
Who are Dolce & Gabbana?
What holiday is it not ok to wear white after?
What was Gore Vidal's alleged influence on Ben Hur?
Heath Ledger or Jake Jake Gyllenhaal?
Do you know the subtle differences between at least 20 brands of vodka?
Do you know how to "air kiss"?
What is your favorite Judy Garland movie, and why?
Do you call everyone "girlfriend"?
If you are a gay man, please don't be offended. This post was written tongue firmly implanted in cheek. I have the utmost respect for gay men and I want you all to know that I used those stereotypes to point out just how ridiculous an idea it is that the Vatican wants to test potential Priests who "appear" gay. And why are they only testing Priests? How about testing Nuns to weed out the lesbians? Being a lesbian myself, I am familiar with the stereotypes, so why aren't they testing the potential Nuns who appear to be lesbians? You know, women who know their way around Home Depot; wear mens clothing, Doc Martins and are a member of a softball team.

Since there is not yet any scientifically valid way to test for the gay gene, exactly what criteria are they going to use? And while I'm posing questions to the Vatican, why not test all priests? Let's not forget that not everyone who appears gay is, and not everyone who appears straight, is. Why is it necessary to single out only those that "appear" to be gay? And while we're creating these tests on who knows what criteria, why don't we test all priests to see if they are pedophiles?

It seems to me there is much greater harm to be done by pedophile Priests than gay Priests.

©2008-2009 Firecrotch Rocket

9 comments:

Lezzymom said...

Love the test questions. This is just another stupid thing to come from this Pope. I didn't realize they could take any more steps backwards.

Simple said...

This post is too silly to respond to, actually... However, I'll just be silly.

There are lots of gays in the church. No big deal, end of story.

The Church opposes promiscuity of all kinds. End of story.

Lin said...

And why do we need to rid the priesthood of gays? Oh yeah, so our kids are "safe". Silly me.

Storm, The Psychotic Housewife said...

LOL You are too funny!

I laugh at this nonsense from the Vatican, but I fear. What's next, the church going back to hunting everything they stand against a la the Inquisition? :(

Blog Administrator said...

@ Lezzymom - One more step and he'll fall off the other end of the flat earth.

@ Simple and Lin - Exactly my point.

@ Storm - "Have you heard about this new cult, the Christians? They're so poor they have only ONE God!!! - Comicus - History of the World Part I

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jbcyiFt5VEs - The Inquisition - History of the World Part I

"Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!" - Monty Python

Lisa C. said...

this way hilarious. next thing you know these tests will be available on the shelves of your local CVS.. for all those paranoid parents.. WTH???

john said...

lol. I love this. the witch hunt is on..lol.

Yea, whats up with the pedophiles, for them, they just move them to a new parish. WTF. Thats disgusting.

Simple said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Simple said...

Such humor from the "administrator"!

For those who wish to focus on the Catholic world, it is quite large--it covers the entire globe, to be exact.

So have some fun with generalizing all of the earth--1.2 billion is a BIG number.

Bad behavior isn't limited to that world. Rather it's everywhere. Priests are created by their free will, and they "marry" the Church.

She expects that they aren't out cruising for the next hot thing that appears before them.
No Joke :)